What does that even mean?

A person who wants to kill themselves from all the pain they are enduring?

A person who wants “attention?’

Someone who is experiencing depression and anxiety that pushes them to be suicidal?

A person feeling numb from the world and wants to disappear?

A person who fakes their smiles so no one would discover their sadness?


A person who is heartbroken because they will never be with the person they want and can’t live without


Something that happens in the spur of the moment because you’ve reached your breaking point


They told you that you were strong

But are you?


The “thing” you thought of but couldn’t manage to…

Pull the trigger

Overdosed on the pills

Slit your wrist

Drown yourself in the water

Hang yourself in that bathroom or bedroom


That little devil talking to you to give you the courage to do it

The cry for help because now everyone will see

The thought of finally being free is the only thing that sits in your mind




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It’s You I Want

Why do I crave your presence so much?

Laying in bed thinking about you…

Can’t sleep

You’re stuck in my mind

Never thought you’ll be the person I would want so bad

Too bad I can’t let you know

Deep down inside I know the thought of us probably won’t happen

I accept that though

Maybe we can try in another lifetime

What if you’re feeling the same way I do?

Nooo you’re probably not

You probably never gave it a thought

or have you?

You see I am going back and forth with myself about it

Only time will show what your intentions are or were

Never would’ve thought you may complete the piece that’s missing inside of me

It’s you I want…



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Celebrity Men to Crush On

Every girl or woman has their group of celebrity men they have a crush on. It’s the men who are attractive and steals the girl heart even if she hasn’t met him before in her life. As you continue reading you are going to see the celebrity men I crush on. Ladies, if we share the same crush let me know! It’s only one of them who is completely off limit though lol. Don’t worry I will warn you who that is.

My list would be trash if I didn’t mention MY HUSBAND! He is off limit lol. This man happens to be Drake. There is a special light that shines on him. He is intelligent, makes good music for your soul, and attractive. I cannot forget to mention his gorgeous smile. Drake is the perfect package for me. Yes, I have not met him in person. If I ever do meet him I pray he’s a good-hearted person I believed he is.

I feel kind of bad for not putting this guy first on my list. The only reason why is because he was my first celebrity crush and I loved him since the 3rd grade. This man is CHRIS BROWN! People love to bash him all the time. It gets pretty old now. How would you feel if someone or people kept throwing your past in your face? Give the man credit for making changes and trying his best to stay out of trouble. He’s always been good looking and is blessed with God-given talent. This man can draw, sing, act, and dance. When I look at him it is something about him that makes me gravitate towards him. I love when he dances too.

This 3rd man had me crushing on him heavy since I saw him act in the movie Let It Shine. If you still have no clue who I am talking about then I will tell you. I’m talking about Trevor Jackson! Most of you probably recognize him from the show Grownish or you may have seen him on the movie Let It Shine, Burning Sands (Netflix movie), American Crime (tv show), and many more projects. Another movie that he is acting in is coming out soon. It’s called Superfly. I bet some of you did not know he makes music too. If you haven’t heard his music before you should check it out. His voice is amaaaaaazing! I swear when I hear him singing his songs he is singing to me.


Since you read about my top 3 celebrity crushes. I want to know which celebs you have a crush on. Tell me why you like them and you can post a screenshot of them in the comment section also. I am ready to read your comment. Also, if you enjoy this article feel free to share it on your social media page!



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Argumentative People on Social Media

Why are most people on social media argumentative? I swear they have huge balls behind their phone or computer. This is why I refrain from commenting on certain posts. I am the type of person who can’t stand going back and forth with others unless I have a reason to. Most of the time the social media stuff is not that deep. People love to get in their feelings when you have a honest opinion.

For example, last night I commented on a YouTube video stating my thoughts on the video. The video was about a famous YouTuber getting exposed because supposedly he is cheating on his girlfriend. Read the picture below to see what I commented:

final youtube comment

Okay, so you read what I commented right? There are 14 replies on it. 2 or 3 people out of the 14 replies were coming out me funny/crazy because of what I said. My thing is I don’t care if  you reply to my comment but don’t try to start an argument with me. Sometimes people fail to realize it’s not what you say it’s how you say it. For some reason before I publish the comment I had a feeling someone was going to try to start something for no reason.

Anyways, some of the rude replies was telling me to “use my head or brain” basically trying to call me stupid. Also, calling me a little kid who believe in fantasy relationships. First of all, I wanted to come through my phone and curse them out. Y’all it was burning me inside. Then I thought to myself it’s pointless and stupid to argue back with them. Another thing I want to mention is I think the whole relationship goals stuff is stupid to a certain extent. Clearly the person was talking junk and don’t know anything about me.

reply first black

2nd negative nancy black mark

On thing I did do is reply back to one of the negative comments. Basically I told the person I understand their point. The supposedly side chick could’ve sneak and record her with the famous YouTuber. She wouldn’t be the first person to try that. Read the picture below (I marked out the person name I was replying to out of respect):

blocked out name

So, after I replied back saying that. The person wanted to make it into a big argument. I decided to not reply. It’s childish. Then with the other negative comments I left it alone. Now I fully understand why celebrities turn off their comments on social media. I don’t blame them at all.

Anyways, back to what I was talking about. Random people on social media tend to find ways to turn something positive into something negative. In my situation, I believe the people in the replies wanted to prove me so wrong that they wasn’t trying to understand my point of view. The main reason why I wasn’t quick to call the man a cheater in the comments because…

1) I wasn’t there with him if he was messing around with the woman.

2) There are so many individuals who make up scandals on YouTube just so they can become the next big thing

3) I clearly pointed out that I am not trying to say the man is innocent at all.

I guess they couldn’t comprehend what I was trying to get at. Maybe they should use their BRAIN! lol Why am I being petty? Arguments always happen on social media it’s mainly up to you whether or not you want to entertain the bull shit. What are your thoughts about people being argumentative on social media? Do you think I took my situation last night in the wrong way? Put your thoughts in the comment section.



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Things You Should Blog About

Before you start reading deeper into this article. I’m not going to give you some bullshit advice (excuse my language). It’s not going to sound cliché either. So, let’s get right into it.

One thing you need to remind yourself is that YOU are in control of what goes on. This is YOUR blog not anybody else stuff.  You can post anything that you choose. Don’t over worry yourself about having a certain “niche” to focus on. I believe that is most of our problem. We get caught up in trying to focus on some certain criteria. It takes away from our creativity and holds us back on expressing how we feel. You will always find yourself thinking “are my readers or subscribers going to like this?” Will they stop reading my content because it’s not what they are expecting to read on my blog? That’s one thing you shouldn’t pressure yourself to worry about.

Normally when you read advice about what should your blog be about. Every person mentions a “niche.” Yeah, a niche is cool to think about and everything but honestly, in my opinion, it’s not too important. Of course, you want people to understand what your website is all about. I completely get that point. Eventually, they will understand what you’re all about. Just go with the flow of things.

When you are first starting out with blogging just create anything that comes to mind. It doesn’t matter one day you’re talking about painting a portrait then the next day you post about walking a dog. As long as it represents topics you enjoy writing about that is all that matters. The main goal of a blog is to write what you are passionate about right? That is why they create certain categories to place things in.

Instead of labeling yourself as a beauty, travel, or fashion blogger. Think of your blog as a simple lifestyle blog. Calling yourself a lifestyle blogger can give you a chance at being versatile on your site. If you are not cool with that like I said before it is YOUR blog. Do whatever you want.

The point I am getting at is when you are in control to bring your creativity to the light. Stop letting minor things hold you back. Especially, if you want to create your own blog. Blogging is a way to express yourself through writing and sharing it with the world. When you stay in tune with being yourself. It will shape your site into the most unique piece of work you ever put together.

If you read this article to the end. What are some challenges do you expect to face when creating blog content? Are you worried your blog won’t be good enough? Share your thoughts in the comment section. If you are already a blogger share some more advice to other bloggers.


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Reached My Breaking Point!!!!

Sometimes I wonder why I have to be stuck in this miserable ass town. I’m trying to not get swallow in the big hole of being stuck here forever. I keep asking God “why me?” Everyone else has a chance to be free and enjoy life. I barely get a chance to feel like a real adult. There’s always some shit that’s trying to hold me back. I’m tired of it all.

There are times where I reflect on how miserable my life is. I’m young and should be enjoying myself. Most of the time I have no choice but to stay in the house. It gets depressing at times. I don’t have any real friends to hang out with. If I do it’s every blue moon. Fuck having friends anyway. They always tend to be temporary anyway. The only thing that’s pushing me to live a little is to make my dreams come true. It’s my only hope and brings me happiness. If I don’t succeed in that then what’s the point in pushing forward?

I’m always getting my feelings crush. Honestly, I’m used to it. The only person I can depend on is myself. Everyone around me is full of negative energy. There’s no one there to at least uplift me. They’re miserable with their life and trying to rub it off on me. I’m not going to be like them. I will be better than them. I’ve reached my breaking point. That’s why I’m living for ME! I can’t keep letting these obstacles bring me down.

At this point, I’m starting to think what’s my purpose of being here? To live a fucking miserable life? All my life, I’ve been invisible anyway. Everyone treats me like a non-factor. Even the ones I personally know. Some of them are reading this post. It’s not because they care it’s because they want to be fucking nosey. They don’t give a fuck. I don’t care for them anyway to be completely honest. This is me expressing how I feel if anybody feels some type of way about it. I don’t care about that neither.

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A Strong Presence in the Room

Have you ever been home alone and felt another presence in the room? Like the feeling was so strong you knew for sure someone else is in the room with you. If you don’t understand what I mean. Basically, I am asking have you ever been in a room alone and it feels like someone else is there too. The crazy part about it is the fact you can feel them but not see them. I always believed it is a dead family member lingering in the room. Maybe if it’s not a dead family member. It could be the presence of a person who used to live in the house before you moved in. I bet this is probably creeping you out. You’re feeling a little paranoid just by reading this. Don’t worry I won’t frighten you too bad.

If you had this experience before does it feel weird to you? Maybe you even thought you were going a little crazy. Trust me you weren’t going crazy at all. The energy you were feeling was real. The only reason I am saying that is because I had the same experience. No, I haven’t seen anything float across the room. All I kept feeling is a person present in the room. Another funny thing about it is the fact that this happens randomly.

Let’s think of another theory. The presence could possibly be the spirit of God coming to visit you. Maybe it’s a way of him letting you know he’s still there for you. Sometimes we need that reminder. That probably didn’t cross your mind until now. This gives you something to think about. There are times we get caught up in worldly problems and we sometimes forget all we need to do is pray to God for help.

Do you have any theories on why sometimes you feel a strange presence in the room? If you had a similar or exact experience share how it made you feel. Did you get scared? Also, let me know if the two theories I mentioned came to mind as you were reading.


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Forcing Toxic Relationships

Forcing a toxic relationship becomes a problem when you want to stay knowing that it’s not healthy for you. You need to accept the fact your ex doesn’t want to be with you. Why trap yourself with someone who doesn’t love you? If you stay more than likely they will keep cheating on you. Make your life miserable and distant themselves further away from you. You get what I’m saying?

Just because you are deeply in love with someone or want them to stay in your life forever doesn’t mean they are “the one for you.” It hurts to think about it that way, but you must accept it. If you choose not to accept the truth. Then go ahead and enjoy your miserable life. That’s all you’re going to get out of the relationship you are trying to force.

How many times do you want to get your heart-broken before you finally get it? Yes, I know leaving isn’t easy.  You must fight your weak heart and pull yourself out of the toxic relationship. Staying strong is the only way to get through it. Avoid picking up your phone to text or answer their calls. Block their number and block them on social media. Go out for a little while to have fun and clear your mind. Keep yourself busy with one of your favorite hobbies. You can even try to get a new hobby.

The point I’m trying to make is stop forcing yourself to be with someone who doesn’t love you back. You’re only hurting yourself. Let that toxic relationship GOOOOO! I know love can make you blind but damn how foolish can you be? If something isn’t meant to be it will NEVER work out. Take this piece of advice and start doing what’s best for you.

So, tell me have you ever went through a breakup you never thought you would get out of? If so, share your story in the comment section. I would love to read your story. It may help someone else out.


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That Numb Feeling

The world around me goes on

But I’m zoned out and feel numb

Nothing around me matters

I’m lost in my own thoughts

Internally I’m dying from so much I’m holding inside

Externally I’m “good”

Who cares what is wrong anyway?

All I have is myself

Fuck everyone else


TWITTER: @reflectionofdes

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Married Man Message Me on Facebook! (Screen shots Included)

Hey readers, you know I have to spill the tea (tell you the latest gossip). Last night I happen to get on Facebook on my computer. When I logged on I noticed I had a message, so I click on the message icon to see who it was. It was from the married man. My first thought was “why the hell does he keep messaging me?” We don’t have anything to talk about.

Before I finish the story let me give you a little background on him. This guy and I knew each other when we were kids going to summer camp. Back then he used to have a crush on me. He is 2 or 3 years older than me. Right now, I’m 20 and he’s like 22 or 23 years old. He always liked underage girls back then though (such a creep). The girls would usually be like at least 2 or 3 years younger than him. Anyways, the last time we talk was when I was way younger (back in middle school).


After I saw that the man message me I put up a Facebook status saying “IF YOU ARE MARRIED OR IN A RELATIONSHIP AT ALL GET OUT OF MY INBOX! I DON’T WANT YOU!” Yes, the status was about him. I get so tired of him always trying to message me. For one he has a wife. Second, I always ignore his messages anyway. Third, we literally have nothing to talk about. As a married man, he shouldn’t be messaging other women at all on social media. Another thing is I’m not a family friend or had a close relationship with him anyway. We only shared conversation back when I was a kid.

Oh yeah, his wife and sister my Facebook friend also. I’m not going to lie I wanted to tag his wife name in the status and attach the screenshot, so she could see it. Then I told myself not to do it because she probably wouldn’t believe me or make me look like a bad person anyway. I don’t want her man plus maybe she might already know he message other women anyway 🤷🏾‍♀️.

Have you ever had someone in a relationship who kept messaging you on social media? If so, did you ignore or block them from your page? You can share your thoughts in the comment section.


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